Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
