I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
