Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
