Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
