You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
