I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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