Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize