gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
