did you get engaged???
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
