Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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