i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
