I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They are going to name an STD after you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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