dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
