I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize