Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
