I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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