Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
