worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
