Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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