I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
