Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
