guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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