This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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