It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
