I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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