he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
