you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
