i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
