the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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