I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
