my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
