I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would punch a child for taco bell
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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