The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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