One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
