just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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