Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
