I bet he comes in French.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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