btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
