they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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