i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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