The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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