Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
