Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
