I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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