the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
