I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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