would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
