I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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