i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
