i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
