You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
