omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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