We're like a lot better than the average bears
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They took my balls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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