Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
