I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
