I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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