I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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