you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
