You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
