She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
