They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
