To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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