when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize