Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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