I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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