This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
