i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
