You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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