I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
