Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
