Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
