Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
