Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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