tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
