he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
